I read something in Li Qi's Blog..

遗失的美好
电脑里播着电影英雄的插曲，熟悉的旋律，是大提琴奏出的。这让我想起了去年在中胡组的日子。我不是一个怀旧的人，但我总是在偶然听到某段旋律，某几个音符的时候，想起过去，过去的人和事。

那时候我还坐在燕卿后面，宣元是中胡首席，凯鹏坐我旁边。 从陌生，到熟悉，从怀疑，到信任，从沉默寡言，到谈笑风生，那是来到新加坡以后，cca带给我最美好的回忆。 多苦多累多无聊的practice 都不算什么了，回想起来，我记得的只是他们的笑脸容颜。我们会用中胡，拉二胡的旋律，而宣元喜欢拉英雄的插曲，低沉富有磁性的中胡把中国味十足的旋律演绎得比大提琴精彩许多。于是，我爱上了中胡。我在rgs的时候，华乐团的同学虽然也挺好，但是，我始终觉得我不属于这个集体。去年，因为他们，我第一次有了所谓的归属感。直到那天concert结束的时候，我意识到，可爱的seniors要离开华乐团了。庆幸的，还有燕卿。 Handing over的那天，在宣元和碧琳给我的本子上，宣元还特意叮嘱我要早睡觉，原因是我成天打哈欠。呵呵。。。真的好感动。

直到那天下午，我熟悉的中胡盒子里，再也没有熟悉的中胡，那个陪伴我度过J1 cca 训练的大大的，重重的，声音低低的家伙。。。推开co room的门，我随即知道发生了什么。我就这样回去了，回到二胡组。晚上，燕卿发了6条长的短信给我，用中文的，我再也不能控制我的眼泪。

我知道我也许不适合拉中胡。。。我知道组长的决定都是为了整个orchestra… 但是，我只是怀念，怀念我们四个人一起的日子。 我们经历了SYF 还有concert. 我怀念我那时为了快点适应新乐器，每天下午都去co room 练琴的日子。 怀念xuanzhong xuanyuan bilin还有许多别的seniors.

可是我知道，那种归属感不复存在了。
也许别人不知道，那段在中胡组的经历对我的影响有多大。
我们的LEADERS天天在讲BONDING，BONDING不是讲出来的，如果每个人能对别人真诚热情，BONDING还有任何意义？？？ BONDING是这么人工的一个过程，大家玩玩游戏，搞搞camp… 然后。。。我们的感情加深了！！！
哈哈哈哈。。。

遗失的美好，遗失的旋律，遗失的感觉，遗失的。。。
I feel so lost there…
All the best for dearest yanqing yanshan mindy dandan xuanyuan bilin xuanzhong and so on…
也许huiling说得对，我应该庆幸的，认识了真正的好朋友。

By Li Qi..


Well.. I dunno what to say.. I was thinking a lot just now.. Last year many people told me that I was a good SL when I handed over.. And I thought I was.. Because I did put in a lot of effort.. But after reading Li Qi's Blog.. I know I was not.. Yes, it was true that I put her in Zhonghu so that we could have a more balanced sound for the Orchestra. But I did not consider her feeling. She was very understanding but it doesn't mean that I could ignore her feeling.

And I think there are many other things like that.. I expected things to be done in my way. I expected ppl to understand my feeling at the same time, i did not even consider theirs.. I always gave me the excuse that I was very stressed up, but everyone else was as stressed as me.. I think it is too late for me know such things..

- I was not the only one who bears stress, and I was not the one who bears the most stress
- I should have talked to the ppl around more often, not all of them can understand what I wanted to do
- I should not expect ppl to do as much work as I did, and I should not be angry so often
- I should know that things cannot be perfect all the time.. And I should not expect everything to be done perfectly..
- I should know that though I had many plans, I should priotise, not all things can be done at the same time. Sometimes I did something really bad though I was out of a very kind intention..
- I shuold be grateful of whatever has happened..

I really want to thank all my XYZ friends last year.. Really, now I understand that you did not have to respect me as a SL because in the first place I could not even consider your feelings. And I was really lucky that all of you were so cooperative and so kind and so understanding..

I remembered that I said we should leave no regret when we left.. I thought I didn't.. Now I realised that I actually Left many things to regret.. If I were given another chance, I would be a much nicer SL and friend.. So sorry to all of you!

XUANZHONG

posted by panda xuan @ 10:49 AM