Will I still play my Erhu 20 years later?

I havent really prac my Erhu for a few days, it's like touch and go lah, cos I dun have much time to really sit down and start from basic techniques to songs I have learnt.. It's like I play Czardas for a few times, then just go to yang guang and di yi erhu, I dun even have time to play the whole thing a few times, it's like the some part today, some part another day..

I dunno why, just got the weird feeling that I might not go further in Erhu anymore. I mean when I went to Singapore 5 years ago, I never thot of that cos I know there are so many people playing Chinese music there. But here in the states, not many people even know about erhu lah.. and to be honest, once you stop taking lessons, your standard will drop.. and I was thinking, now as a student, I still can find some time for prac everyday, but once I go into work, since my dream is to go into investment banking, and it's like 8-8 work hours and 5 and half working days, will I still be able to find time for lessons and prac?

when I thot that one day my erhu skill will be rusty and I might not be able to play an entire song properly, I just felt very sad.. In the past 15 years, Erhu has been part of my life tho some of the memories were not so pleasent, I have hoped that it can remain as part of my life forever.. the feeling is so weird lah.. zj wrote in my autograph book that not many people choose to define their lives by CO, and I did define my JC life by CO music.. however, will I be able to do it in the future?

I dunno, the feeling is weird and scary for me.. I just love the feeling of holding the bow and let my fingers slide on the string.. I mean, when you listen to the different sound that coming from your own erhu, the feeling is so good, the satisfaction you can never get from listening to others play lah.. I will try my best to prac and maintain my standard from tml... If one day, I really have to put down my Erhu, I just hope tt day will come as late as possible..

maybe when I decided not going professional, the fate of my erhu have been determined.. I dunno how to make the feeling better, maybe the only way is to prac my erhu.. and I realised one thing that my husband must have great passion in Chinese music too, he need not be a pro in any chinese instruments, but he must love them.. and my children, I will have all my children learning Chinese instrument, no matter where I will be.. of course, one of my children will have to laern erhu lah.. haha It is always good to see your dream continue..

hehe am I the only one who have this kind of thots? Do tell me if you feel the same..

posted by panda xuan @ 10:14 PM