那年的梦想
偶然在涓儿的blog上看到她提到她的酒吧梦，又偶然在饼儿的blog上看到“年少轻狂，幸福时光”心里顿时觉得空空的最近常常有时光错乱的感觉
有时候觉得自己忽然回到了在德明的时候，和猫猫穿着蓝色的小衬衫在东海岸的肯德基打牙祭，那时候我真能吃，three piece meal加上一个冰激凌，然后和猫猫去MPH看看书，去大众书局挑挑漂亮的彩笔，沿着东海岸散步回宿舍
一晃又是A水准结束后的那段时间和涓儿常常在秋千上聊天，我们说着如今未必能回忆起的话题，然后就听见两个女孩子在深夜里嗤嗤地笑
还有在Suntec的Sky Garden,听xunqi对着下面的万家灯火大吼“RJCO ROX！”我们歇斯底里地哄着，笑着然后悄悄抹去眼角的泪
再有在Dude或是UGLI读书到深夜，然后抱着厚厚的书和饼儿踏着月光回家，一路上我俩跟赌气似地念叨“我真是有病才去学编程！”“我真是吃错药了才会去读哲学”可就是这样，我们都深信着推开那扇门就是完美结局
闭上眼睛，有时候能看到秋风起时，新加坡路边的枯叶漫天飞舞；有时候是阳光明媚，蜿蜒曲折的海岸线；再有时是AA纯净得让人窒息的蓝天……那时候，我有多少多少梦想，如今又有多少在慢慢实现？
涓儿说，在一瞬间心里所有的坚强就这样崩塌，两年多的疲惫全部涌出来，亲爱的我知道这种感觉，一路独行，我心里也装满了感动，我常常想，也许就在明天，就在下一次考试之后，就在下一次假期，我就可以静静地窝在我的壳里让心底所有的感动和幸福就这样慢慢流淌。然而我永远能做的只是在一个静静的夜晚，暂时推开面前的作业，课本，小小地放纵自己的思绪无拘无束地游荡
很喜欢饼儿的这段话
“我一直认为“幻想”、“梦想”与“理想”的界限是渐进性的而非泾渭分明——如果有那么一点点东西能够在历经岁月磨蚀后依然让自己觉得值得，那它就是我们庸碌生活的全部意义所在。哪怕推开门之后的幸福生活只是一个幻想，走向那扇门的坎坷道路也曾点燃过内心深处的热情与坚强。于是我们就在这一次次的轮回中磨炼自己折腾自己，直到我们不再需要下一扇门背后的虚幻，而是让这一路走来的过程成为自己坚持下去的理由。
也许在经历了这大半年的一切之后我终于开始明白Chief Justice在校庆时候说的那句话——记住你踏进法学院大门第一天时所坚信的一切，因为那是你心底最真实的声音。或许只有“心底最真实的声音”才有在岁月的磨砺中被升华的可能：它不完美，很片面，甚至只是那一时一刻的幻想和骗局；然而我们还是要从这脆弱而经不起推敲的感情中淬炼出一点什么，只因为一旦失去了它我们真的会一无所有。
所以我感谢两年前那段如同阳光下残雪般灿烂而脆弱的回忆，感谢那些单纯美好的日子。I am eventually growing out of that, but I shall not forget where I come from.
只因为，一生一次。年少轻狂，幸福时光。
亲爱的，我们一起努力
posted by panda xuan @ 10:03 PM
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